We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize