there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
