and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
