if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
