Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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