My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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