at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
