You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize