Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
