i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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