i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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