her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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