Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
