He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
