I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
