Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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