***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
