She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
