I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize