Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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