Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
