Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it's great music for shaving your balls
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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