some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize