I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
