yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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