He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
