Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
