WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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