I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
