Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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