I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
