walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
