I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
