took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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