Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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