3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She announced her abortion via fbk
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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