bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
