dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
