I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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