Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
