I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize