So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
