I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We talked him into tasing himself.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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