but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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