And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
