Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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