Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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