is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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