he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
