My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
