she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
