Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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