I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm really busy with my period
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