Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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