1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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