I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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