i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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