Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
