i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
