He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
