Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
