Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
