How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
