Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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