have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
