Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
