i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize