I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
